On Dating For the First Time

It is 3 AM and you are looking at me. And I mean really looking. You are staring into my eyes and I'm struggling with whether or not I should break eye-contact, not because I want to, but because I have no idea what I'm doing.

It is 3 AM and your hand is on my waist. My hand is on yours. I don't remember how it got there. I don't remember what happened five seconds ago.

It is 3 AM and you're tripping over my laptop cord but your body is pressed against mine and you're telling me I'm sexy. You're telling me I'm sexy. I'm sexy. I'm what? I'm sexy. I'm laughing, I'm nervous, I'm ecstatic, I'm sexy.

When I say 'thank you' I don't mean 'thank you' like I mean when someone leaves the door open for me. When I say 'thank you' I say it calmly, like I have been told already 10 times that day, by 10 different people. You are the first person who's told me that. If not, you're the first person I've heard. If not, you're the first person I've listened to. If not, you're the first person I've believed.

I am afraid if I don't monitor my words I will scream at you. I will tell you 'thank you' a million times over and it still won't be enough. I want to propel my body up into the air and make myself into skywriting and I'm still unsure if you'd get the message. Tell me every reason you've ever liked me. Tell me how it happened.

At 7 PM you put on a nice shirt and show up in front of my dorm room. I curl my hair. We get a little lost but wind up at a restaurant. I lock eyes with the hostess as you hold the door for me. (thank you). We're on a date. Everyone knows we're on a date. Everyone in the entire restaurant knows that You and I are on a Date. A Date. A DATE. D-A-T-E. WE ARE ON A FUCKING DATE.

Does anyone get tired of this? Do people get used to this? Is this a normal feeling? We are eating now. Apparently. You're sitting across from me. Like always. We're friends eating food together but we're on a Date and EVERYONE KNOWS.

Later, when you're kissing me (YOU'RE KISSING ME?) I don't know what to do with my body. It just goes.

At 4 AM you have this look on your face.

I don't want to stop looking at you.

I don't know when we move forward, I don't know what the next steps are, I don't know when we fall in love, if we have, if we are.

You wake up next to me; your body next to mine is the most surreal thing I've ever felt.